Red Hot Read

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on February 2, 2010

Article # 1002

The world is teeming with Christians who leave churches and hibernate because other believers have deeply wounded them. Many of the wounders are pastors and leaders.

I used to think the biggest reason Christians treat each other despicably was interpersonal ignorance and lack of responsibility. I’ve heard leaders judge the wounded for leaving. “You don’t leave church just because you’ve been hurt. . . .”

In my experience, there are few leaders who take responsibility when they wound another, and even fewer actively teach their followers how to behave in love toward each other.

But a new culprit has come to light, and it has to do with American Christians’ false beliefs about Satan.

To many Christians in the United States, Satan is a lazy, beer-drinking slob, who is past his heyday. He sits in his double-wide, waves a menacing hand at his minions and screams, “More Cheetos! Now! American Idol is about to come on!” Once in a while, Satan gets in a hard punch, like floods or 911. But, mostly, the battles we face are people problems, government problems, or general life problems. Satan is not the problem.

The Bible disagrees. “Satan is a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

I wonder how Christians would act if they actually believed that verse? Would we be more compassionate, tender, forgiving, kind and loving to each other? Would we listen more and take the time to get into each others’ worlds?  Would power plays and pettiness become infrequent guests to our relationships?

Yes. And I believe that with all my heart because there is nothing as powerful as a common enemy, a true enemy, to unify a group of people.

Let’s think 911. The day of the attack, we saw Congress singing on the Capital steps, and every American was our ally.

Congressmen were saying they were letting go of disagreements and that the only thing that mattered was our brotherhood as a nation. Unity was the word. Some of the talk was sentimental congress-speak, but a lot was genuine. Interviews on the streets reflected the same mentality  . . .  now was the time to forgive our fellow American and be friends.

One might be tempted to argue that there is one thing more powerful than a common enemy … the Love of God.  Well, yes, the Love of God is powerful to unify, but it must be thoroughly realized to have its full effect.

Last I checked, American believers are still backbiting, gossiping, rejecting, betraying, and committing a whole host of other hurts to fellow brothers and sisters. Most of them, when asked, will tell you they believe in the Love of God.

The Twin Towers attack taught us a lesson about this too. Starting the day of and for months after, the nation crammed into churches! We spoke of God, and prayer, and love. This was an amazing phenomenon, but we shouldn’t be surprised, because there is nothing as powerful as an enemy to make us realize, and cling to, the Love of God.

According to Scripture, Christians are supposed to be unified and clinging to God, with a common vision and goal.

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17: 22, 23 (NIV)

Combine the above verse with the one below, and you’ll see that our true enemy is not other people:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

In other words, our focus is not supposed to be on gaining power over each other—bickering over what color of foyer carpet to choose, why John shouldn’t head the pastoral-search committee, or what others thought of our brownies at the bake sale. Sorry, none of this matters.

What matters is that we love God, love each other (and all that entails), build the kingdom of God on this earth, and fight our Enemy—together!

The body of Christ is not the Rotary club, but, we often treat it like it is.

We are to be united under the banner of a loving God, with our focus on God, and marching forward against a common enemy.

When we march forward, we may leave behind a chartreuse foyer carpet, a fumbling idiot in charge of the committee, and a bake sale everyone hated. But, with the focus where it needs to be, none of that will matter.

Category: Articles | 8 Comments »
Tags: relationship with God, relationships with people, Satan

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on January 8, 2010

Article #1001

If you are one of those hypie types that get’s a glow from setting and reaching goals, if you have listened to every Tony Robbins tape, and if you believe wholeheartedly that writing down your goals with a time limit MAKES them happen, I’m about to burst your bubble.

After much failure and delayed gratification, I have learned that …

Our character is more important to God than reaching our goals, and He will allow us to be frustrated and in pain in order to shape our character.

And, like the song says, it’s about the climb, not the destination.

Ouch!

I used to be Type A, and I loved setting and reaching goals. What a high. But in college, I started to fail. My life didn’t fit me. Something was wrong. It took me awhile to adjust.

Now, I thank God for my earlier failures. I learned a hard lesson. You might anticipate that I learned perseverance—to be the little engine that could. Yes, I learned that, but, more importantly, I learned … the point of life is NOT success.

At first, I could hardly believe it, but God just kept hitting me over the head with a two-by-four engraved with that message. Eventually, it sank in.

What the point really is becomes evident when you combine the next few Bible verses:

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 (NASB)

Couple the above verse with Romans 8:28, and THE POINT begins to emerge.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (NASB)

So far, so good. Things working for good. I can get with that. But then there is the punch line in verse 29:

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; . . . (NASB)

Now see … the James and Romans verses are not “when God closes a door, He opens a window” verses. The big payoff that God promises is internal, not external in our circumstance.

When I first discovered this, it felt like bad news.

I, like most people, like my short-term hits of happiness (See Lust For Rewards: My “Cocaine” Habit). Apparently, ultimately, becoming like Christ makes us happy (lacking in nothing). And that’s the point!

Crud. I wanted this to be easy.

As time has marched on, I have accepted the battle of life, the climb, but I haven’t gotten to the place where I adore it.

I want to be like Christ, but, in my emotions, I feel the pain and would like “becoming like Christ” to happen by osmosis, while I am having fun working at something I love; enjoying an in-demand speaking career; or experiencing those small, personal successes that consistently warm my soul. And I want this NOW.

All this said, I do not believe that God is out to make us frustrated losers. But even if you are as successful as Donald Trump, it doesn’t change the fact that success is not the point! Even within success, there are struggles.

To live through these struggles, remember that each battle, no matter how small, has the potential to grow our character, heal our wounds, and help us rise above our faults. Every one.

Ultimately, our struggles bring a long-lasting happiness that ease cannot.

This is true. It’s about becoming like Christ. It’s about the climb.

See Miley Cyrus sing The Climb

See the opposite philosophy in this Tony Robbins video.

Category: Articles | 17 Comments »
Tags: happiness, relationship with God, relationship with self, success

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on November 11, 2009

Article #0927

Ha! Didn’t expect this topic on a Christian website, did ja? Well, before you click off, consider this: if you feel downtrodden and crushed, if you feel unable to move because your heart is broken beyond recognition, if you can’t see your way out of a pulverizing situation, then what you DON’T need is a sermon telling you to forgive. What you really need is a blog telling you to GET MAD.

What? What about forgiveness?

Ah forgiveness. The poster child of Christianity. Well, I agree with it as an endgame. Forgiveness is powerful, and it prevents evil things like cancer and wrinkles.

But there are phases to healing and right now you just might need an ATTITUDE to move past the pain. That is where anger comes in.

There are three main healing effects of anger:

First, anger can help your self-esteem. When you look at your abusive situation and decide you aren’t going to take it anymore, what you are saying is, “I’m better than this.” This reminds me of the ’70s saying, “God don’t make no junk.” He doesn’t honey, and you don’t deserve this abuse!

Second, anger gives strength. When you are all bled-out, lying on the floor, you need a transfusion fast. Enter—anger.  There is nothing like it to give you that quick boost that makes you jump up, staunch the bleeding, and take real care of yourself.

Three, anger motivates. We can all look at a situation and intellectually say, “Hmmm . . . there is just something wrong with that.” But when you get angry, then you actually DO something. Go you!

But how do you get angry when you feel so squeezed you’re paste? Well, I’ve found my inner anger through song. Yep. Just click on these YouTube videos below, and see if you don’t get your anger on.

There’s one song for each stage of motivated independence, and although they seem to be addressing romantic situations, they can be applied to abusive bosses, teachers, parents, therapists, or anyone/anything else you feel emotionally dependent on that is killing you.

Phase 1, Realizing you’re stronger than you think

Stronger, Britney Spears—She’s stronger than yesterday, and so are you. You’ve found out you don’t need this person because you can be alone just fine. Whatever it was this person or situation had that made you feel complete, you can have by yourself.

The “I don’t need you or anybody” theme reaches an extreme in this song, but we’ve all been there, and balance is eventually restored when we start needing people again. Right now, when you have to break away, you need to believe you can tough it alone!

Here is the video where she beats up and conquers the chair, and the lyrics.

Phase 2, Making the decision to cut him/her/the situation out of your life!

Bye, Bye, Bye, N Sync—You’re taking a stand tonight! You’ve given your all and this person/situation has given you nothing in return. Man, are you sucked dry. You are no fool, so sayonara. You’re not taking this anymore! Video. Lyrics.

Phase 3, Leaving/taking a stand proved you Are. A. Survivor.

Survivor, Destiny’s Child—You’ve been without the abuser for a short while and have realized that your fears and his/her ill-wishes were never realized. He said you would fail, but you are succeeding!

And you aren’t going to compromise your Christianity by getting vengeance, you’re just gonna keep surviving!  Sounds good. You’re moving through the angry stages. See the scantily clad survivors in their video, and see the lyrics.

Phase 4, Perspective and forgiveness.

Fighter, Christina Aguilera—It’s clear from this song that Chris is still a little ticked off, but, she is on her way to release. The song gives this perspective: you don’t need to feel resentful toward your betrayer when his/her attack made you better. You are now able to withstand a nuclear blast and crawl out of the rubble along with cockroaches and Cher.

This is the secular version of “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” You might want to read the lyrics while you listen to the video.

Caveat—”Be angry, and yet do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) Anger is strong medicine. Use it sparingly. Keep moving through the phases and, eventually, you will be in a place to forgive. If you hang on too long to anger, you’ll end up looking like Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean.  [see picture]

Have fun stormin’ the castle!

(Thanks Joanna Demers for suggesting the song Fighter.)

Category: Articles | 7 Comments »
Tags: emotions, humor, relationships with people

Posted By admin on October 21, 2009

Mini-article #0903

They say that form is supposed to follow function, but too many food designers haven’t read the original memo.

Time and time again, I order a shrimp dish, drenched in sauce, and the tails are on! I know there is meat under that shell-of-a tail, but there is no delicate way to get to it. I have to cut the shrimp tails off and maneuver them to the side of the plate.

To worsen matters, I have trailer-park ways. Most of the time, those tails sit on the edge of my plate calling to me and I can’t resist cracking them open and rescuing the half-inch of meat that would otherwise go to waste. This procedure is difficult to do with a knife, so, I look furtively about, scanning for the etiquette police, then I use my greedy fingers to remove the tails and get to the meat. How uncouth!

Eating shrimp with the tails on is awkward, messy, and hard work!

Restaurateurs: Leave the tails on these delightful crustaceans when they are to be eaten with the fingers … as with shrimp cocktail.  Take the tails off when the shrimp are to be eaten with a fork.

Form follows function. ‘Nuff said. I expect this memo to go out, be read by all, and the problem be fixed by the time I order my next scampi. Don’t putz with me. I mean it.

Shrimp Recipes: Shrimp Alfredo; Garlic Shrimp; Jumbo Shrimp with Herb Butter Sauce; Shrimp Scampi.

Category: Mini-articles | 2 Comments »
Tags: food, humor, memo to the world

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on October 12, 2009

Article #0926

There are many examples of God talking to his followers in dreams in the Bible. But, does He still talk to us in dreams in modern times?

I’ve been going through a tough time the last year and a half. At the beginning of this trial, God impressed on me strongly that something that I need will come, but it will take time. In the meantime, as prescribed in my article Pounding on Heaven’s Door: Adventures in Persistent Prayer, I felt strongly I was supposed to be praying and not giving up. This was war.

I started out with great fervor and expectancy. But as time wore on and what was promised still had not come, I ran out of steam. I became doubtful that what God promised me would come, yet I still kept feeling Him press me to keep praying.

One night, as I was falling asleep, I begged Him to release me from this responsibility of prayer. I said, “Please tell me I don’t have to pray for this anymore. It would feel so good to quit. To keep praying is burdensome. It’s killing me.”

I went to sleep, feeling like maybe He would say yes and release me from this weight on my heart. That morning, just before waking, I had a dream.

I was in a near-empty basement. In the corner, seated at a table, was a beautiful woman. There was another chair at the table, and I approached it to sit down. When I sat, I looked straight at the woman and she had transformed. Now she looked like an older woman with a military buzz cut. She wore an army uniform, and many decorations glinted across her chest.

I said, “You’re an angel.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes as if to say, “You guessed it.” Leaning in toward me with a serious expression, she said, “Are you praying for ____________, as He told you to?”

I immediately knew what she was referring to, but I also discerned that this was not a question, but a command. Swallowing hard, I said, “Yes.”

She slapped her right palm triumphantly on the table and said, “Good!”

Her feet-first exit out the basement window did not surprise me.

Sitting straight up in bed I said, . . . well what I said is a little harsh for tender ears, but let’s just say I wasn’t happy. I had an answer that went beyond a feeling. I’d had an angelic visitation and a direct command from God. There was no squirming out of this, and I very much did not want to obey.

In a few hours, my irritation at the message began to wane as I realized what a blessing it is to hear directly from God and know, know, know, exactly what He wants me to do.

How many people on this planet are blessed with such a visitation? I do not know. But I do know it is not talked about much among modern Christians.

Messages from God in dreams is, however, talked about a lot in the Bible. Just for a refresher, here is list of biblical references to dreams compiled by my friend Jan Parrish in her Examiner.com article Dreams in the Bible: prophetic dreams part 1:

Dreams in the Bible
Genesis 20:3 - God warned Abimelech about Sarah
Genesis 28:11- 15 - Jacobs’s stairway reaching up to heaven
Genesis 31:24 - God warned Laban not to say anything to Jacob
Genesis 37:5-7 - Joseph’s sheaves of grain
Genesis 37:9-11 - Joseph’s moon and stars
Genesis 40: 8-13 - Pharaohs cup bearers dream
Genesis 40: 16-19 - Pharaohs chief bakers dream
Genesis 41:1-4 - Pharaoh’s seven fat cows
Genesis 41: 5-7 - Pharaoh’s seven heads of grain
Judges 7:13-15 -Midianites loaf of barley
1 Kings 3: 5-15 - Solomon chooses wisdom
Job 4: 12- 21 - a spirit speaks to Eliphaz
Daniel 7 - Daniel’s dream of four beasts and interpretation
Matthew 1:20-21 - Declaring Mary’s innocence to Joseph
Matthew 2:13 - Warning Joseph to escape to Egypt
Matthew 2:19-20 - Mary and Joseph return to Nazareth
Matthew 27:19 - Pilots wife warned about Jesus
Acts 16:9 - Paul’s call to Macedonia

So what say you? Before you heard my story, had you heard of modern Christians having prophetic or visitation dreams from God? Have you experienced anything like what I or the Bible describes? Do you believe or disbelieve?

Related Articles: Dreams in the Bible: prophetic dreams part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.

Category: Articles | 5 Comments »
Tags: angels, dreams, hearing God, prayer, prophecy

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on September 23, 2009

Article #0925

The old, wrinkled woman said to me, “Remember that if you ask us to pray for you, to also pray for yourself.”  Of course, I knew that. I may have been a young Christian, but even a ninny knows to pray for yourself while others are praying for you, right?

But that was the 70s, when men were men, women were women, all lesbians were militant, and very few people had peanut allergies. Now those were simple times!

Imagine my shock when I recently spied an article by Christian humorist Tim Patrick that mocked a new trend—outsourcing prayer.

The article read like a piece from The Onion, which is known for publishing stories of pure fiction as if they were true. The humor comes from some insane premise that the Onion knows you’re too smart to believe. The insane premise of the Tim Patrick piece?—Christians are now too busy to pray, so they are paying companies to pray for them!

How funny, I thought. That Tim Patrick is ca-ray-zee. But wait! I did a search on Google. Know what I found? Yep … a site offering to pray for you for a fee! The company, Information Age Prayer, states that prayer is for your own connection to God and that you should pray for yourself, but it also says that the service insures that prayers will be said even if “you wake up late or forget.”

This site does not even provide human pray-ers. There is a synthesizer, and your prayer is repeated throughout the day by a computer. Your name flashes across the screen as the prayer is said.

None of the companies that Patrick mentions in his piece exist as far as I can research, but there is a group in India that is saying prayers given to them by priests. Funny, Patrick’s article mentions India, too, and has a picture of the Taj Mahal. Rather stereotypical, but nonetheless, these Indians are saying prayers given to them by American, Canadian, and European priests because the priests are stretched too thin. And yes, the pray-ers are getting paid.

Although Patrick’s piece is a mock article in The Onion tradition, it isn’t based on absolutely nothing. There are people and companies outsourcing prayer, and there are Christians who are using their services. Bizarre, disheartening, and completely ridiculous!

Before I end this article, I need to apologize to the people I have offended:

I apologize to old women. You are not all wrinkled as the stereotype suggests.

I apologize to the Indians. It isn’t your fault that India is the Outsourcing King.

I apologize to everyone from the 1970s. I respect your culture.

I apologize to everyone with a peanut allergy. I have the utmost compassion for those with this debilitating condition.

And mostly, I apologize to all militant lesbians. You can’t help it if you’re funny.

Okay. I will probably never get the militant lesbian audience back, but will the rest of you please tell me what you think of prayer outsourcing?

Related Article: My friend Lucille’s Examiner.com article called Send your prayers to the Wailing Wall using Twitter;  Short on Priests, U.S. Catholics Outsource Prayers to Indian Clergy (New York Times); Information Age Prayer website; Tim Patrick’s article Outsourcing Prayer ; and, what the heck, take a look at The Onion, even though it’s a secular paper.

Category: Articles | 9 Comments »
Tags: humor, prayer, relationship with God, some people are idiots

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on September 14, 2009

Weblog #0924

Shame is a killer. It kills the heart, it kills the mind, it kills relationships, and it kills joy.

Of course, there is such a thing as healthy shame—the type of shame that leads us to sorrow and repentance. But, shame too often becomes toxic.

Toxic shame happens when we say we are sorry and we can’t forgive ourselves, or when others do shameful acts to us and we take on their shame as if it were ours. (more…)

Category: Articles | 6 Comments »
Tags: emotions, God's love, healing, relationship with God

Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on August 18, 2009

Weblog #0923

You will never find lasting happiness unless you find a certain ingredient in life. And neither will I.

Too much of what we do in this life leaves us empty. An activity may bring a temporary lift in spirits, but, like the classic taste of Cheetos, one Cheeto gives a burst of flavor, then calls us to eat one more until we’ve emptied the bag.

There should be something we can do to keep happiness around. One thing I’ve found that makes happiness stay is entering another person’s world. (more…)

Category: Articles | 6 Comments »
Tags: happiness, relationship with God, relationships with people