I’m fat, and it’s taken a bite of my self esteem. I am a big, round, butter ball, and I can’t hide it. I am not quite roll-me-down-the-aisle-to-my-two-airplane-seats big, but I’m big enough to say “I’m fat.”

I used to have a healthy body (translation, thin) and what is astounding is not the emotional catalyst that caused me to eat gravy, but the amazing effects that being fleshy has on my psyche from the outside IN.

A perfect example of this powerful effect is when a large woman tackles clothes shopping. Shopping became the bane of my existence in my early thirties when I gained weight suddenly. My husband went shopping with me with a much different image of me in his head than what was staring back in the mirror.

Pain went through me when he held up a skinny outfit and said, “What about this, honey?” I would have to tell him every time, “That won’t fit me now.” At first, I was angry, then, I cried—so much hurt over the reminder of what I had lost.

And beyond the loss was the demand that my husband never said and had no idea I perceived, “Why don’t you fit in thin-size clothes anymore?” “Why can’t you change?” “What’s WRONG with you?”

And I am not the only one who has discovered how the external affects the internal.

In A Better Man, a documentary about the making of Tootsie, actor Dustin Hoffman asked himself this question while creating the film: Would I have the same personality if I had been born a woman?

He asked this question because he believed that how we look and the expectations of other people shape who we become.

It is significant that Hoffman felt unattractive when he dressed as his Tootsie character Dorothy Michaels. Even today, he tears up when he reveals how men dismissed him while he was in the Dorothy costume.

In her humorous story of an overweight woman—herself—engaging the enemy while shopping for a bathing suit, writer Robbie Iobst nails the external-to-internal experience exactly.

As Robbie set out last summer to buy a swim suit, she steeled herself with a warrior’s mentality to encounter the battle of finding a simple suit that didn’t make her look ridiculous. Her biggest peeve with large-size bathing suits—neon flowers and ruffles.

She had not expected the snooty salesperson, but she got one in a “skinny store” that promised it had suits her size.

Well, okay! Now we were talking. I walked in and looked everywhere. Couldn’t find “size” anywhere. I asked the salesperson. She looked at me with attitude, but not the nice kind. Then she sighed and walked me to the back of the store, far corner. Apparently my size was the equivalent of back-of-the-bus fashion.

I took the bullet. This was war, right? But it was only a flesh wound. I looked at the one rack of 6 suits that this particular store had to sell. All 6 of the swimsuits were 2-piece suits. The top was a shirt, not a bikini but relatively short.

Really? Seriously? Did anyone want to see me or any woman my size in a 2-piece? Seriously?

After hours of stomping around malls, Robbie found a local discount store and bought exactly what she wanted—a one-piece suit without a skirt or v-neck or ruffles. Score!

Exhausted, bloodied by war and scarred by the many mirror snapshots providing a slide show in my mind, I bought my suit and went to the car.

I glanced at my cell phone and noticed someone had left a message.

“Robbie this is Kay. Listen to me! You are beautiful! You are a beautiful woman! Do not listen to anyone or any nasty thoughts in the dressing rooms. You are beautiful and you are loved!”

Let me be blunt—thin women don’t have to go through this. Or, to be precise, people who fit into society’s concept of normal, attractive or strong don’t have to go through this.

As much as we would like it to be untrue, our package is a factor in how others view us and how we view ourselves. And the only takeaway I have for you is to surround yourself with people who see and love you for who you are (like my and Robbie’s friend Kay) know that you are loveable and tell yourself that every day, and let the rest of the world think what they may. God has died for you, and He sees your value as beyond price.

Debating apologetics is the main way to reach an atheist, right? Wrong! Although a Christian should know why he believes and be ready to answer when asked, it is not the primary way to reach an atheist.

There is one thing that too many Christians are currently doing that is making reaching atheists harder. . . .        READ MORE

On February 26, Marie Osmond’s son, Michael Blosil, committed suicide. According to entertainmentandshowbiz.com, the Blosil family plans to hold Michael’s funeral today.

Few Denverites know that Colorado rates eighth in the country for suicides, according to a 2007 study reported by Electa Draper, denverpost.com.

Here are a few warning signs someone might be contemplating suicide:

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Michael J. Wilkins says, “Yes.” A person who is fully human is conformed to the image of God.

In a mind-bending chapter in his book In His Image, Wilkins argues energetically that you, a Christian, become conformed to the image of God by becoming more human.

Bizarre doesn’t cover it. How can you, a sinful human, become more like God by encouraging your humanness?

The answer is in how you define the word human.

You may assume that human is bad. Humans eat too much, we play dirty, we lie, and cheat on our spouses. We kill sometimes, and some of us plan to take over the world. A few, heaven forbid, smoke!

But, God originally made your humanness perfect and in His image—He did not include sin in the original design. When God now reaches into you and works on your heart to make you like Christ, He is touching that original creation, the part of you that is still in His image. That’s the part He is bringing to the surface . . . the part that is perfectly human.

Your fallen humanness is not what you want to encourage. Your originally-created humanness is.

Here are two verses that support Wilkins’ position:

• And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: . . . (Genesis 1:26a)

• For a man . . . is the image and glory of God. (I Corinthians 11:7a)

Jesus is our example of a perfect human. And this perfect human was in perfect connection with God the Father. Not only that, He was the living visible expression of God’s glory on earth … just as we are supposed to be.

We will explore more of Wilkins’ thoughts on becoming more human in another savvy article, but for now, just remember that God made you to connect to Him, to live for Him, to shine for Him, and to be a complete human being conformed to His Image.

There is a movement in this country called New Atheism. This movement is more aggressive and anti-Christianity than atheists have ever been. Even atheists argue about the beliefs and methods of the New Atheists.

In order to understand what New Atheists believe, I paraphrase below Andrew Brown’s 6 tenets of the philosophy, which are found in his popular internet article The New Atheism, a definition and a quiz. He distills these tenets from the writings of New Atheists Robert L. Park, Richard Dawkins, and Sam Harris. New Atheists believe. . .

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Alert—I’m about to go against a Christian icon. I confess that throughout the years, the rigid view of women’s roles from Dobson and Focus on the Family have annoyed me. And now, an Examiner.com reporter has published an outrageous quote of mine, so I need to explain.

First, this is where I agree with Focus on the Family. I agree that our society, since the late ’60s, has been losing healthy family structure. In the ’70s, women were burning their bras, and the trend of throwing one’s children into daycare (so a mom could work a full-time job) was growing.  This trend was, and is, destructive to the family.

Sometimes, one extreme must meet an opposite extreme in order for society to gain balance. Enter—James Dobson and Focus on the Family.

But Dobson’s radio broadcasts and main magazine, Focus on the Family, began to grate on me in the 80s. I stopped listening and reading for awhile, but a year or so later I went back to their material and was just as agitated.

I perceived Focus’s message to be this—if a mom worked a part-time job outside the home, or dare go back to school, the Institution’s brows would furrow, and the woman would be spanked for dereliction of family duty.

The message was sometimes subtle. It was there, under the surface, in the way Dobson communicated that a woman is completely fulfilled through her children, and the descriptions of women who dutifully performed their household chores.

His tone was often patronizing and oddly … controlling. It was as if he blamed women for all the ills of society—that evil rebellion of burning bras and working—and it was up to him to shove us back in line.

I personally know women who are not 100% fulfilled by raising their children. There are women, yes, dedicated Christian women who love their families, who desire … MORE.  They may be educated, or desire an education. They may want to write, or speak, or work in fashion, or… you fill in the blank.

And where do these Christian moms fit in Focus on the Family’s world? Well, in the past, they’ve been sent to the wood shed. Any desire for fulfillment outside the home, even part-time, was shamed.

In the ’90s, a Focus on the Family letter to the editor supported my feelings beautifully. A women wrote and told Dobson she was tired of him teaching that women should not work. Explaining that she was not a 24-hour-with-children type of person, she cherished her part-time job. “My job keeps me sane!” she said.

That letter was honey to my taste buds. The Proverbs 31 woman speaks!

The truth is—a part-time endeavor is not a slippery slope. Women who are dedicated will not run out on their families because they receive praise and intellectual stimulation from an outside job. If anything, it makes them better moms and wives.

I’m thinking Dobson disagrees.

But now, he is not with Focus. As a woman with a need to achieve, I’m glad. Focus on the Family has a new leader and a new magazine, and I hope it will adapt a more balanced philosophy about a woman’s role.

And now for my outrageous quote.  Go to Jan Parrish’s Examiner.com article, The new face of Focus on the Family.

The world is teeming with Christians who leave churches and hibernate because other believers have deeply wounded them. Many of the wounders are pastors and leaders.

I used to think the biggest reason Christians treat each other despicably was interpersonal ignorance and lack of responsibility. I’ve heard leaders judge the wounded for leaving. “You don’t leave church just because you’ve been hurt. . . .”

In my experience, there are few leaders who take responsibility when they wound another, and even fewer actively teach their followers how to behave in love toward each other.

But a new culprit has come to light, and it has to do with American Christians’ false beliefs about Satan.

To many Christians in the United States, Satan is a lazy, beer-drinking slob, who is past his heyday. He sits in his double-wide, waves a menacing hand at his minions and screams, “More Cheetos! Now! American Idol is about to come on!” Once in a while, Satan gets in a hard punch, like floods or 911. But, mostly, the battles we face are people problems, government problems, or general life problems. Satan is not the problem.

The Bible disagrees. “Satan is a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

I wonder how Christians would act if they actually believed that verse. Would we be more compassionate, tender, forgiving, kind and loving to each other? Would we listen more and take the time to get into each others’ worlds?  Would power plays and pettiness become infrequent guests to our relationships?

Yes, because there is nothing as powerful as a common enemy, a true enemy, to unify a group of people.

Let’s think 911. The day of the attack, we saw Congress singing on the Capital steps, and every American was our ally.

Congressmen let go of disagreements and said that the only thing that mattered was our brotherhood as a nation. Unity was the word. Some of the talk was sentimental congress-speak, but a lot was genuine. Interviews on the streets reflected the same mentality  . . .  now was the time to forgive our fellow American and be friends.

One might be tempted to argue that there is one thing more powerful than a common enemy … the Love of God. Well, yes, the Love of God is powerful to unify, but it must be thoroughly realized to have its full effect.

Last I checked, American believers are still backbiting, gossiping, rejecting, betraying, and committing a whole host of other hurts to fellow brothers and sisters. Most of them, when asked, will tell you they believe in the Love of God.

The Twin Towers attack taught us a lesson about this too. Starting the day of and for months after, the nation crammed into churches! We spoke of God, and prayer, and love. This was an amazing phenomenon, but we shouldn’t be surprised because there is nothing as powerful as an enemy to make us realize, and cling to, the Love of God.

According to Scripture, Christians are supposed to be unified and clinging to God, with a common vision and goal.

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. John 17: 22, 23 (NIV)

Combine the above verse with the one below, and you’ll see that our true enemy is not other people:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

In other words, our focus is not supposed to be on gaining power over each other—bickering over what color of foyer carpet to choose, why John shouldn’t head the pastoral-search committee, or what others thought of our brownies at the bake sale. Sorry, none of this matters.

What matters is that we love God, love each other (and all that entails), build the kingdom of God on this earth, and fight our Enemy—together!

The body of Christ is not the Rotary club, but, we often treat it like it is.

We are to be united under the banner of a loving God, with our focus on God, and marching forward against a common enemy.

When we march forward, we may leave behind a chartreuse foyer carpet, a fumbling idiot in charge of the committee, and a bake sale everyone hated. But, with the focus where it needs to be, none of that will matter.

If you are one of those hypie types that get’s a glow from setting and reaching goals, if you have listened to every Tony Robbins tape, and if you believe wholeheartedly that writing down your goals with a time limit MAKES them happen, I’m about to burst your bubble.

After much failure and delayed gratification, I have learned that …Our character is more important to God than reaching our goals, and He will allow us to be frustrated and in pain in order to shape our character.

And, like the song says, it’s about the climb, not the destination.

Ouch!

I used to be Type A, and I loved setting and reaching goals. What a high. But in college, I started to fail. My life didn’t fit me. Something was wrong. It took me awhile to adjust.

Now, I thank God for my earlier failures. I learned a hard lesson. You might anticipate that I learned perseverance—to be the little engine that could. Yes, I learned that, but, more importantly, I learned … the point of life is NOT success.

At first, I could hardly believe it, but God just kept hitting me over the head with a two-by-four engraved with that message. Eventually, it sank in.

What the point really is becomes evident when you combine the next few Bible verses:

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 (NASB)

Couple the above verse with Romans 8:28, and THE POINT begins to emerge.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (NASB)

So far, so good. Things working for good. I can get with that. But then there is the punch line in verse 29:

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; . . . (NASB)

Now see … the James and Romans verses are not “when God closes a door, He opens a window” verses. The big payoff that God promises is internal, not external in our circumstance.

When I first discovered this, it felt like bad news.

I, like most people, like my short-term hits of happiness (See Lust For Rewards: My “Cocaine” Habit). Apparently, ultimately, becoming like Christ makes us happy (lacking in nothing). And that’s the point!

Crud. I wanted this to be easy.

As time has marched on, I have accepted the battle of life, the climb, but I haven’t gotten to the place where I adore it.

I want to be like Christ, but, in my emotions, I feel the pain and would like “becoming like Christ” to happen by osmosis, while I am having fun working at something I love; enjoying an in-demand speaking career; or experiencing those small, personal successes that consistently warm my soul. And I want this NOW.

All this said, I do not believe that God is out to make us frustrated losers. But even if you are as successful as Donald Trump, it doesn’t change the fact that success is not the point! Even within success, there are struggles.

To live through these struggles, remember that each battle, no matter how small, has the potential to grow our character, heal our wounds, and help us rise above our faults. Every one.

Ultimately, our struggles bring a long-lasting happiness that ease cannot.

This is true. It’s about becoming like Christ. It’s about the climb.

See Miley Cyrus sing The Climb

See the opposite philosophy in this Tony Robbins video.

Ha! Didn’t expect this topic on a Christian website, did ja? Well, before you click off, consider this: if you feel downtrodden and crushed, if you feel unable to move because your heart is broken beyond recognition, if you can’t see your way out of a pulverizing situation, then what you DON’T need is a sermon telling you to forgive. What you really need is a blog telling you to GET MAD.

What? What about forgiveness?

Ah forgiveness. The poster child of Christianity. Well, I agree with it as an endgame. Forgiveness is powerful, and it prevents evil things like cancer and wrinkles.But there are phases to healing and right now you just might need an ATTITUDE to move past the pain. That is where anger comes in.

There are three main healing effects of anger:

First, anger can help your self-esteem. When you look at your abusive situation and decide you aren’t going to take it anymore, what you are saying is, “I’m better than this.” This reminds me of the ’70s saying, “God don’t make no junk.” He doesn’t honey, and you don’t deserve this abuse!

Second, anger gives strength. When you are all bled-out, lying on the floor, you need a transfusion fast. Enter—anger.  There is nothing like it to give you that quick boost that makes you jump up, staunch the bleeding, and take real care of yourself.

Three, anger motivates. We can all look at a situation and intellectually say, “Hmmm . . . there is just something wrong with that.” But when you get angry, then you actually DO something. Go you!

But how do you get angry when you feel so squeezed you’re paste? Well, I’ve found my inner anger through song. Yep. Just click on these YouTube videos below, and see if you don’t get your anger on.

There’s one song for each stage of motivated independence, and although they seem to be addressing romantic situations, they can be applied to abusive bosses, teachers, parents, therapists, or anyone/anything else you feel emotionally dependent on that is killing you.

Phase 1, Realizing you’re stronger than you think

Stronger, Britney Spears—She’s stronger than yesterday, and so are you. You’ve found out you don’t need this person because you can be alone just fine. Whatever it was this person or situation had that made you feel complete, you can have by yourself.

The “I don’t need you or anybody” theme reaches an extreme in this song, but we’ve all been there, and balance is eventually restored when we start needing people again. Right now, when you have to break away, you need to believe you can tough it alone!

Here is the video where she beats up and conquers the chair, and the lyrics.

Phase 2, Making the decision to cut him/her/the situation out of your life!

Bye, Bye, Bye, N Sync—You’re taking a stand tonight! You’ve given your all and this person/situation has given you nothing in return. Man, are you sucked dry. You are no fool, so sayonara. You’re not taking this anymore! Video. Lyrics.

Phase 3, Leaving/taking a stand proved you Are. A. Survivor.

Survivor, Destiny’s Child—You’ve been without the abuser for a short while and have realized that your fears and his/her ill-wishes were never realized. He said you would fail, but you are succeeding!

And you aren’t going to compromise your Christianity by getting vengeance, you’re just gonna keep surviving!  Sounds good. You’re moving through the angry stages. See the scantily clad survivors in their video, and see the lyrics.

Phase 4, Perspective and forgiveness.

Fighter, Christina Aguilera—It’s clear from this song that Chris is still a little ticked off, but, she is on her way to release. The song gives this perspective: you don’t need to feel resentful toward your betrayer when his/her attack made you better. You are now able to withstand a nuclear blast and crawl out of the rubble along with cockroaches and Cher.

This is the secular version of “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” You might want to read the lyrics while you listen to the video.

Caveat—”Be angry, and yet do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) Anger is strong medicine. Use it sparingly. Keep moving through the phases and, eventually, you will be in a place to forgive. If you hang on too long to anger, you’ll end up looking like Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean.  [see picture]

Have fun stormin’ the castle!

(Thanks Joanna Demers for suggesting the song Fighter.)

They say that form is supposed to follow function, but too many food designers haven’t read the original memo.

Time and time again, I order a shrimp dish, drenched in sauce, and the tails are on! I know there is meat under that shell-of-a tail, but there is no delicate way to get to it. I have to cut the shrimp tails off and maneuver them to the side of the plate.To worsen matters, I have trailer-park ways. Most of the time, those tails sit on the edge of my plate calling to me and I can’t resist cracking them open and rescuing the half-inch of meat that would otherwise go to waste. This procedure is difficult to do with a knife, so, I look furtively about, scanning for the etiquette police, then I use my greedy fingers to remove the tails and get to the meat. How uncouth!

Eating shrimp with the tails on is awkward, messy, and hard work!

Restaurateurs: Leave the tails on these delightful crustaceans when they are to be eaten with the fingers … as with shrimp cocktail.  Take the tails off when the shrimp are to be eaten with a fork.

Form follows function. ‘Nuff said. I expect this memo to go out, be read by all, and the problem be fixed by the time I order my next scampi. Don’t putz with me. I mean it.

Shrimp Recipes: Shrimp Alfredo; Garlic Shrimp; Jumbo Shrimp with Herb Butter Sauce; Shrimp Scampi.