Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on Monday
Savvy Article #0804
“Delusional,” the word clanged in my ears as I listened to the guest speaker, Brian. Delusional is what Brian felt while waiting for God to fulfill a promise-a promise He would provide new work shoes of Brian’s specifications. The shoes were vital to his work-he worked in a factory around hot materials-so so trusting God for his shoes was risky stuff. But God said that all Brian had to do was wait, not buy the shoes for himself, and keep his agreement with God a secret.
It was truly an adventure of faith. God had spoken clearly to him that He could provide. Brian was to test Him in this promise.
God’s direction to him seemed simple enough, yet Brian described how agonizing it was to watch his shoes become threadbare, and how his boss and coworkers would ask, “You know, you can afford to buy new shoes, why don’t you?” And he couldn’t say one word as he danced around the floor of the factory, trying to evade the hot, dripping plastics. He felt like such a fool. A true lunatic. A barefoot nut-job.
In a recent circumstance, I wasn’t asked by God to dance around in threadbare shoes, but what I was told to do-what I was asked to trust God for-made me feel just as delusional as Brian had felt.
When contemplating God’s request, and especially while doing it, my thoughts ran like this: I’m crazy. I didn’t really hear God’s voice, did I? If this were really God’s will for me, then wouldn’t things be working out easily? It can’t be God that asked me to do this because it’s too risky. Either God’s crazy, or I’m crazy!
The biggest factor in feeling like a nut-job while obeying God is that when He requires acts of obedience, He usually asks you to do weird or risky things-things that will make you look foolish to those whose opinions you care about, or possibly even put you in physical or emotional danger. He may ask you to leave your home (Gen 12:1, Abraham). He may ask you to dip seven times in the Jordan to cure your disease (2 Kings 5:9-11). He may ask you to walk into a fiery furnace (Daniel 3:16-21). Or, as in my case, He may ask you to walk into a room to minister to a person who you know is about to be very cruel to you.
The shock of God’s request of me to do just that was overwhelming at first. “What are you, Jesus, the God of codependency?” I asked Him. (Assuming He forgave me the aggressive accusation, He also didn’t seem to mind the very 80’s word codependency, which still applies to those who over-give to others and under-care for themselves.)
I am not typically codependent. Frankly, I’m too impatient with what I call people’s crap. Yet God has led me over the last two years to perform acts that many would see as crazy codependency. The most recent assignment was to go into a room to face a human tigress that I knew was about to eat me alive.
And to make the situation even more insane, this was asked of me while I was in a state of emotional vulnerability. Yet He said, “Nevertheless, you will go . . . and you will love her unconditionally.”
Obedience schmedience. It was safer to stay home with the covers over my head. What was God doing?
This story continues in Only Nut-Jobs Obey God Part II
Also see Only Nut-Jobs Obey God Part III