Posted By Denise Miller Holmes on Wednesday
Savvy Article #0927
Ha! Didn’t expect this topic on a Christian website, did ja? Well, before you click off, consider this: if you feel downtrodden and crushed, if you feel unable to move because your heart is broken beyond recognition, if you can’t see your way out of a pulverizing situation, then what you DON’T need is a sermon telling you to forgive. What you really need is a blog telling you to GET MAD.
What? What about forgiveness?
Ah forgiveness. The poster child of Christianity. Well, I agree with it as an endgame. Forgiveness is powerful, and it prevents evil things like cancer and wrinkles.But there are phases to healing and right now you just might need an ATTITUDE to move past the pain. That is where anger comes in.
There are three main healing effects of anger:
First, anger can help your self-esteem. When you look at your abusive situation and decide you aren’t going to take it anymore, what you are saying is, “I’m better than this.” This reminds me of the ’70s saying, “God don’t make no junk.” He doesn’t honey, and you don’t deserve this abuse!
Second, anger gives strength. When you are all bled-out, lying on the floor, you need a transfusion fast. Enter—anger. There is nothing like it to give you that quick boost that makes you jump up, staunch the bleeding, and take real care of yourself.
Three, anger motivates. We can all look at a situation and intellectually say, “Hmmm . . . there is just something wrong with that.” But when you get angry, then you actually DO something. Go you!
But how do you get angry when you feel so squeezed you’re paste? Well, I’ve found my inner anger through song. Yep. Just click on these YouTube videos below, and see if you don’t get your anger on.
There’s one song for each stage of motivated independence, and although they seem to be addressing romantic situations, they can be applied to abusive bosses, teachers, parents, therapists, or anyone/anything else you feel emotionally dependent on that is killing you.
Phase 1, Realizing you’re stronger than you think
Stronger, Britney Spears—She’s stronger than yesterday, and so are you. You’ve found out you don’t need this person because you can be alone just fine. Whatever it was this person or situation had that made you feel complete, you can have by yourself.
The “I don’t need you or anybody” theme reaches an extreme in this song, but we’ve all been there, and balance is eventually restored when we start needing people again. Right now, when you have to break away, you need to believe you can tough it alone!
Phase 2, Making the decision to cut him/her/the situation out of your life!
Bye, Bye, Bye, N Sync—You’re taking a stand tonight! You’ve given your all and this person/situation has given you nothing in return. Man, are you sucked dry. You are no fool, so sayonara. You’re not taking this anymore! Video. Lyrics.
Phase 3, Leaving/taking a stand proved you Are. A. Survivor.
Survivor, Destiny’s Child—You’ve been without the abuser for a short while and have realized that your fears and his/her ill-wishes were never realized. He said you would fail, but you are succeeding!
And you aren’t going to compromise your Christianity by getting vengeance, you’re just gonna keep surviving! Sounds good. You’re moving through the angry stages. See the scantily clad survivors in their video, and see the lyrics.
Phase 4, Perspective and forgiveness.
Fighter, Christina Aguilera—It’s clear from this song that Chris is still a little ticked off, but, she is on her way to release. The song gives this perspective: you don’t need to feel resentful toward your betrayer when his/her attack made you better. You are now able to withstand a nuclear blast and crawl out of the rubble along with cockroaches and Cher.
Caveat—”Be angry, and yet do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) Anger is strong medicine. Use it sparingly. Keep moving through the phases and, eventually, you will be in a place to forgive. If you hang on too long to anger, you’ll end up looking like Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean. [see picture]
Have fun stormin’ the castle!
(Thanks Joanna Demers for suggesting the song Fighter.)